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To Be a Stay At Home Mom

So, when I first started this blog I talked about possibly having to get a job and how I both liked and disliked the idea. Well, in about September of last year I got a job at a large red retail store who shall remain nameless.

At first I was so happy to be making money everything else seemed worth it. The kids had a hard time with me being gone and I had a hard time when, a few weeks after I started they no longer came to me with their boo boos and problems. Of course so close to the holidays I was working anywhere for thirty-nine to forty hour weeks, so I thought once things calmed own everything would be fine. I will be working closer to twelve-hour weeks and all will be well in the world, right?

Wrong. Things have calmed down and I do love the people I have met and would not trade my new-found friends for anything but I miss my kids. Now more than ever. It’s like, because I see them more I need to be with them more. Kids will do that to you haha.

I don’t know if it is because I want to stay home so badly or what but I have noticed more articles about staying home vs having a career and people fighting about whose better. Don’t even get me started on the whole mom vs not mom thing. I mean really, how does having kids make you better? How does having a career make you better? Can’t we just be us and be happy with that?

ANYWAY, sorry getting back on topic, haha, but as a member of the work force I cannot wait to be home again. And it’s not because I would get to “Stay home and watch TV all day”. Staying home with your kids is work don’t get me wrong. But it’s a labor of love and it’s what I am dying to do! I will also be going to school because y kids won’t be little forever and I do have plans outside of being a mom. But while they are small and so full of life and wonder, I want to be right here in the thick of it. Boogers, potty training accidents and all.

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Why Being “Just” A Mom Is Not Enough

Please don’t get me wrong. Being a stay at home mom is enough for me, but in being a mom it’s not all about me. It’s about my kids, and to be the best for them as far as I’m concerned, means being everything I ever wanted to be.

Let me explain. I want my kids to see me and my husband living our dreams. That doesn’t mean getting home at 9pm and never actually spending time with them. Before I got pregnant with my first child in 2010 I wanted to be a FBI Agent. No joke. When that double line appeared my dreams changed. I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I still do (As I sit in the Cafe at work trying to get a bit of writing done before I go home to my little darlings). However, when I was young I saw both my parents working jobs they hated and all I ever heard when expressing my dreams was not “You can do it!” It was “How much money does it make?” And “How can you make money doing that?” Both practical questions but to my young ears it meant it was a bad idea and I would never make it in the world. As a result I want to show my kids they CAN.

I will not only support them and find ways to make their dreams come true but I will show them how by being a published author, and a literary agent and by selling paintings and by painting murals in nurseries and whatever else I come across. By being successful with a degree in Fine Arts, yeah that’s right Fine Arts!

I will also be following in my Best Friends shoes and fulfilling a life long dream or playing in the dirt by joining an Archeology program for the summer. Why? Because when I was five I saw Jurassic Park and have wanted to give it a shot ever since. Why not? Maybe it will be for me I don’t know but I intend to find out.

I want to show my kids that though they are my world, you only live once, so do it all. And I can do it all while being home with them. Being their Mom and reading them bedtime stories and teaching them. I don’t just want them to live in this world, I want them to be a part of this world. In whatever way makes them happy. Weather that’s living in NH for the rest of their lives being a Kung Fu Instructor or if it’s by joining the military or going to school to get a degree. I do not want them to think for one second that they cannot be whatever they want to be.

That is why being “Just” a stay at home mom is not enough for me. That’s not to say that you can’t show your kids how to follow their dreams as “Just” a stay at home mom, but for my family, I need them to see it. Too many generations sat idly in jobs they hated thinking that for whatever reason they couldn’t. My kids will see it. Breath it. Know it.

PS I want to give a quick shout out to my Mamma who is an inspiration to me as she pursues a nursing career and to my Daddy who has started his own business. I’m 100% sure he enjoys what he’s doing but I do know he did it and it’s not easy. Love you both.

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Sometimes You Just Need To Sit On The Kitchen Floor

Logan and Lucian have had a bad day. Mike and I are tired and patients have been worn very thin. After running on the elliptical I let Mike head upstairs for a nap and got the kids from their rooms since they clearly were not going to take a nap.

When we got downstairs I noticed it was about five thirty so I started dinner. As the water boiled for mac and cheese, the kids started to torment each other in the kitchen. No amount of yelling, or talking to, or any of that parenting crap worked. So finally, I just sat down on the floor. I gave Logan a long hug. He finally wriggled out of my arms and ran off to play as Lucian climbed up my leg for his turn. After a much shorter hug he escaped and they played nicely until dinner was ready.

I know what you are thinking but I had already played with both kids and given both of them tons of hugs throughout the day. I am fairly certain what actually made the difference was that I took a moment and a deep breath. I calmed myself and they relaxed noticeably. So the next time you are at your wits end have a seat on the floor, at kid level, give out some hugs and really feel the love.

 

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America, Your Insecurities Are Showing

For a very long time now it seems that we have been bombarded with negative opinions and rants, usually about something someone else did. I have been known to rant a little myself, about things that I believe to my very core. About common sense things that weren’t common to other people. For instance I believe that putting your newborn in bed with your eight and twelve-year-old for the night is not safe. There are perfectly safe ways to co-sleep. That is not among them. And a baby died because of it. As if that is not enough the baby’s sibling has to live with the guilt for the rest of their life. I would ask what they were thinking but they clearly were not.

What I am talking about right now however, are people getting mad about how other people are living. Choices they make in parenting (not dangerous choices but normal parenting, breastfeeding vs bottle those kinds of things) and religion or any walk of life really. Parenting and religion just stick out because people get so angry about them and they are such personal decisions.

What happened to live and let live? Why are people getting angry at mothers who decide to breastfeed or bottle feed? Why is it any of their business? Oh right, it’s NOT! Why are atheists so offended by people with faith? That one really gets me. They don’t want there to be a Nativity out in town around Christmas but they need a sign that says there is no god in front of the town hall. That was on the news a year or two ago and I was just blown out of the water by the hypocrisy of it never mind the stupidity. If you don’t believe that is fine and not wanting someone on your stoop preaching to you is fine. I personally find that can’t get mad at people of different religions who honestly believe they are going to save your eternal soul. I mean getting mad at them is like when Mr. Incredible gets sued for saving people. They are trying to save you and literally have your best interest at heart. So I can’t get mad at them. I don’t really listen to them either, I am of the turn out the lights and pretend you are not home persuasion personally.

I thought this was a free nation. I thought people were allowed to live as they saw fit here. Freedom of religion, the freedom to pursue happiness, freedom of speech. These are what we promise but as soon as you try to do anything you are attacked. If you bottle feed you are a bad mother, if you breastfeed you can’t feed your child in public for fear of someone yelling at you or kicking you out. And don’t tell me they just need to cover up either because plenty of people still have a problem with it. A friend of mine whose husband was in the Marines had a man complain when she fed her daughter in the airport. She was completely covered with a blanket even though it was extremely hot out, there was a mother who planned ahead and did everything she could, short of starving her child, to make everyone happy and she was still made to feel badly. On a slightly separate note if a baby is attached to a boob it’s a food source not a sex object, if you can’t figure that out you have bigger issues and should keep your mouth shut.

Once you get through the breast vs bottle stage then everyone is telling you, you need to send you child today care, they should be potty trained by now, you cannot homeschool, how could you send your child to public school?

Why do they care? Why can’t people just shut up? Or better yet be supportive! There’s a twist for you! Give being a community people want to be a part of a try? What I think it comes down to is other people’s insecurities. But again why do you care? If you wish you could send your kids to a better school but public school is all you can manage that is the best you can do for your child and that is fine! You do what you can. If you went t public school and think that is fine for your child that’s excellent. Go for it! Have fun. They are your kids, but when your sister in-law decides to homeschool because she believes it’s what is best for her kids and she is a stay at home mom anyway don’t try to make her feel bad or make points that are not even valid. Homeschooling and socialization do the research I dare you. That doesn’t mean that you should not ask questions, ask away start a conversation, a friendly conversation.

I am not saying don’t speak up for what you believe in, I am saying don’t judge other people’s beliefs. Don’t hate someone because they are gay or christian or black or white or a co-sleeper or a parent who lets their child “cry it out” Everyone is different and everyone needs to make their own decisions. Not to go all biblical on you or anything but Love Thy Neighbor, or for the atheists among you I will go Bambi on you, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And loosen up please. Everyone is so serious like every situation is life or death. If the situation is life or death, please speak up even if they end up hating you for a little while sometimes it is necessary and almost always worth it. For the sake of scale, your friend putting their child in a car seat with their winter coat on could be a life or death situation, only fleece and blankets please! Fleece will not compress in the event of an accident. On the other end of the scale we have homeschool vs public school not life or death. Homeschool is not prison and public school is there to provide an education and is a perfect valid choice.

So this ended up as a bit of a rant. Ha ha. I just wish everyone was kind and accepting of one another and I know that is impossible but we can try anyway. At least be accepting of your family. As long as they are not endangering anyone or themselves and even then you should still be nice and approach the subject carefully so they come out of it thinking of change and not how much they hate you lol. Not really funny but you get the point. 🙂

Just noticed I have a ranting category haha

Ok there was a funny movie clip I wanted to attach to this but I can’t find one with that part of the movie, go figure. Anyway the movie is Hit & Run with Dax Shepard and Kristin Bell. There are several parts in the movie where a character will lash out at another and then proceed to apologize and say they were just embarrassed. The reason I wanted to add that is because it’s funny first of all but also because it’s true. Hit and Run is on Netflix and youtube though you may have to pay for it on youtube I do not know.

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5 Reasons You Should Be Having A Family Game Night

1. Happy Childhood Memories

As a child when we went on vacation in Maine, we would all play phase 10. Every single night. It may sound a little repetitive and boring but those nights were, and remain, some of the best times of my life. We had so much fun. I still remember some of the jokes and the all around sense of happiness whether I won or lost.

2. Everyone can be included

If you have game night every Friday as we do, let a new person pick the game every week. Yes, this does mean that every now and again you will have to play one of those never-ending strategy games but it is worth it to make sure everyone is included. It would seem that every family has at least one Risk lover. I will never forget one game of risk in Maine, my brother did not like card games, my cousin had one lonely soldier in Australia so we let her live. She ended up winning the game.

3. You can form it to fit your Family

When my husband first suggested Family Game Night it was centered around the PS3 and Xbox. Soon after that we started looking into old board games like LIFE, Monopoly, and Clue. Risk also of course. Clue is my personal favorite. We had so much fun with Clue I am constantly trying to get people over to play it.

I am also attempting to start improv at family game night. You know like Whose Line Is It Anyway?  I really hope this takes because improv is a great way to loosen up and just have fun while using your imagination.

4. It’s not just for immediate Family

We started with my sister in-law two weeks ago. The following week we were able to get my other sister in-law and her boyfriend to play and now this week my third and final sister in-law will be here tonight as well as my mother in-law! We almost have a complete set! I have also invited a few friends.

TIP: If you end up with more players that a game allows make teams! The more the merrier!!

It’s good inexpensive fun!

We don’t have a whole lot of money to spend on non essentials. This provides us with a whole lot of fun for a relatively low dollar amount. If you are hosting you can feed a lot of people with spaghetti and sauce! If you are really strapped you can ask people bring something with them and make it a pot luck kind of thing!

Games can be pricey. We really lucked out because my Mother in-law had most of the games from when my husband was young. (Also vintage Clue, way cooler than the new one! The pieces were actual people not just lame little pegs!) We did buy Monopoly and LIFE and over the next few months I will be collecting Phase 10 and Skipbo. There are also lots of games you can play with an ordinary deck of cards! Google it if you get stuck on Go Fish!

Hopefully this has helped you decide Family Game night is something you can do at your house. Slowly collect games and just have fun with it! That is what it’s all about after all.

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Breast Is Best

I have read quite a few articles and blogs and news reports about breastfeeding lately and in the article or blog itself or in the comments there is always mention of women who cannot or will not breastfeed feeling guilty. I just read a summary that said a doctor was afraid to say “Breast is best” because of oversensitive moms.

What? To be fair I did not read the article or it may have been a blog, anyway, that summary was the straw that broke that broke this camels back. People need to toughen up. This is absurd! If you cannot breast feed it is not the end of the world, it does not make you a bad mother. I made it one month with my oldest and then stopped producing milk. My second son literally threw up everything he ate and we had a really hard time getting him to gain weight so I made it a whopping six whole weeks before I had to switch to formula or die of sleep deprivation. (That was a joke, but he was getting up every hour by that sixth week) Yes I would love to have saved my family money by breastfeeding and I wanted to do what was best for my kids but in the end what was best was formula. Sometimes that’s what happens. If you are one of the women who never produced any or enough milk, it’s not your fault. It’s just genetics. There is no reason to feel bad or disappointed. You can still feed your baby thanks to formula. In your case formula is best. Much better than starving, wouldn’t you say?

Change what you can, accept what you cannot. People say this a lot but you need to take it to heart. If you cannot breastfeed whether it’s because you aren’t producing at all, enough, your baby has an allergy or it’s just not for you, DON’T WORRY ABOUT! Don’t get mad at people who can and don’t make your doctor nervous to tell you what is best. Doctors need to be able to speak to all their patients candidly and openly. There are enough issues in healthcare without adding that to it.

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It’s Been A While

It’s been awhile so I wanted to check in. I am planning a post about Red Dye #40. I don’t know about you but it makes my oldest go NUTS! I want to do a little research first though. So that is on the back burner while I do the 90 Day challenge and class.

The boys are doing well. Logan’s birthday is coming up and I am planning a special birthday cake for him. I have too many episodes of Cake Boss to thank for that. Pictures of my success or failure will follow the party.

Till then have fun and stay safe!